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Is Confidence Really The Problem?

*Warning, the following language may be offensive to some*

Fuck you.

No I’m just kidding! Thanks for taking time out of your day to read this.

Once again, the views presented in the following post are strictly my own. I have no hard evidence whatsoever to back up any of the claims I’m about to make, just like the rest of my posts. And no, I don’t think I’m that sick. I just like to post my thinking for people to see.

That said, here we go.

Earlier this year, Western Oregon University hosted a speaker who goes by the stage name of Love Doctor. Or Date Doctor. Honestly, I can’t remember his name, but it’s besides the point.

This “doctor” spoke about what I like to refer to as:

THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT EVER

Allow me to explain. At some point in your life you may have come across one of those speakers who talks about confidence and dating and meeting people, and you know, just stuff related around the topic of human interactions.

Summarized, the Love Doctors’s message was this:

There is no one “out of your league”. They are only out of your league if you tell yourself they are. If you have the confidence to look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I would date me,” then nothing can stop you. You’ll have the confidence to walk up to anybody and leave an impression on them….blah blah blah so on and so forth. Hopefully you get the point.

Basically this dude was trying to say that if you have confidence in yourself and in what you’re saying, you essentially have the potential of dating almost anyone you so desire.

Once again, this is just my opinion. But all of that is just bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, confidence is key. For both guys and girls. You need to have confidence in yourself in order to “pull bitches” or “get some dope dick”. But you’re really not gonna sit there with a straight face and tell me that confidence is the only thing you need in order to do that.

In today’s society you need so much more! You need looks. You need some type of “in” with the person. You need to have seen or talked to them several times before. You basically need to know you can get it, before you even do.

Let me pause. Now I know what some of you are thinking. “Krato, that’s not true. If a cute boy/girl walked up to me with confidence and *insert intentions* (Could be, ‘asked for my number,’ or ‘asked me to get coffee’) I would totally say yes!”

And I would totally say you’re full of shit! Because you wouldn’t!

The range of things you could be called if you said that to a girl who you had not previously talked to would go from “creepy” to “weird” and everything in between. There is just no way you can be spontaneous these days and not suffer the consequences.

Okay, maybe once every blue moon you can pull that off. But it’s not even remotely close to as often as people like Love Doctor will make you think it is.

There is a reason Jay Alvarez is dating Alexis Ren and a guy like me isn’t. Granted, you can make a case for Jay Alvarez being “really confident” and having the balls to approach Alexis Ren. But once again, I say bullshit. Where the hell do you think he gets his confidence from? The guy is a fucking 10, of course he’s gonna have confidence.

So Krato, what you’re saying is that basically you can’t hit on anyone “out of your league” unless you first:

A. Know that people generally think you’re hot

B.  Know that they are physically attracted to you.

C. Have knowledge or awareness of the fact they can see themselves being with you.

Abso-Fucking-Lutely. That is exactly what I’m saying.

I also know what you’re thinking now. “Damn Krato, you got a freaking dark vision of this world…you may need some of that confidence work yourself.”

And to that I say, no I fucking don’t. Look, I don’t lack confidence. Yeah girls may not break their necks when I walk in the building, but I think I’m sexy and I don’t need anyone else to tell me that. I wouldn’t have a problem at least attempting to hit on anyone, regardless of their looks.

However!!! I need to really emphasize that “however”. Here is the thing that pisses me off. How often have you seen/heard either a girl or a guy saying “I just want someone to _________”

That blank could be anything. Could be “to call beautiful” or “mine”, or “to go on a date with”, or whatever else you can think of. And you hear or see said statement and deep down you just think to yourself:

HOLY FUCK THAT’S ME!!! I CAN DO THAT!! PLEASE PICK MEEEEE PLSSSSSS!!

But I’d be willing to bet, that – as long as the ABC’s I mentioned earlier were false – if you tried approaching this person, you would get either judged as being thirsty or weird or strange or awkward or whatever society picks these days.

Maybe this isn’t true for everyone but I personally know of girls that have made it very clear that they are looking for someone. And I can’t help but think to myself “holy shit, I wanna do all those things. I wanna call you beautiful. I wanna make you feel loved. I am the type of person you are looking for and I know it.” But no. Because I don’t know her well enough. Because it would be inappropriate for me to compliment her on her looks without an established relation already in place.

Well then tell me, society, how the fuck am I gonna get this girl’s attention huh? Should I improve my confidence???

I don’t think so and that’s not the problem.

Shit, if it were up to me I’d call every other girl I see beautiful. Because they are. Not because I’m thirsty. Since when has a compliment become something that can only be delivered when people have a connection already, but it can’t be the thing to start the connection in the first place?

How the hell am I supposed to impress a girl if I can’t stop her after class and tell her, “Hey, I’d really love to get to know you. Do you wanna grab lunch later this week?” without coming off as weird. And again, I have to repeat myself: I know some girls that could be reading this are going, “what the hell is this guy talking about, I have been dreaming of that day.” Well…not exactly. Because I know of plenty of nice guys who would be willing to do that sort of thing, and they would do it more often if it wasn’t labeled as out of place, too forward, or strange.

As a society we are so dumb. Sometimes we set limits for ourselves that we can’t even reach. And other times, like in this case, we set our boundaries in so close to ourselves that we prevent our minds from expanding even the littlest bit.

I’m not saying that next time someone slides in your DM’s and tries to hit on you, you should reciprocate with a “Oh my gosh!! Thank you! Let’s date!” But I am saying that next time somebody does or says something nice to you, you shouldn’t concern yourself with who they are. Rather, focus on the content of their message!

Which, could be really nice and sweet. Except these days nice and sweet may as well be synonyms for creepy and weird when it comes to people having the confidence to give compliments. Maybe you’re the person they have been trying to be with since forever, but you wouldn’t know, or wouldn’t like to know anyway because you’re too busy telling your friends about how “this guy called me pretty today. It was SAH weeeeird. Like I don’t even know him, what thaaa heckkk.”

Guys are guilty of many of these things too by the way. I just keep using girls as my examples because that’s how my brain is wired, for obvious reasons.

Thus, to sum it all up. I don’t believe confidence is the thing people are lacking or need to improve. Rather, it is our open-mindedness that needs to improve and not be subject to making quick judgements.

I apologize for holding you glued to the screen for so long. Go on now, you are free. And as always,

Toodaloo

 

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