Rants

The Truth About Relationships

*Warning, the following post contains strong language*

ALRIGHT, SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP, ‘CUS IN A FEW SHORT MINUTES I’LL LEARN YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS WHICH I JUST LEARNED MYSELF ABOUT A YEAR AGO, MEANING THAT I’M ABSOLUTELY NOT QUALIFIED AT ALL TO TELL YOU ANYTHING REGARDING THIS TOPIC DUE TO MY LACK OF EXPERIENCE.

I hope you found that intro to be as funny as I thought it was, but I have a strange sense of humor. Alright, here we go.

Relationships these days have been poisoned. Poisoned by expectations. Goals this, goals that, goals here, goals there, goals everywhere. Love is quantified by the amount of pictures a couple posts together. Attachment is measured by how often each member of the relationship posts something about their partner. The inherent quality of a relationship also rises if the people it involves happen to be good looking and/or famous. In other words, the hotter the couple is, the more “goals” they are.

This is true regardless of what their relationship actually may be like. For all we know they could hate each other to death, but as long as they look cute, they are goals. And young teenage couples everywhere not only try to emulate them, but will not settle for a relationship unless they can achieve at least some of those elements.

Relationships are poisoned, and (in my very humble opinion) fucked up. I’ll give you an example. If you are on any type of social media you have probably come across the classic, “I’m so lucky that my boyfriend/girlfriend also doubles as my best friend” or “I feel sorry if the person you’re dating isn’t your best friend.”

All I gotta say to that is: I feel sorry for you if you actually think that’s a criteria necessary to be in a relationship. Seriously, what type of 21st century bullshit is that? You need to be best friends to date? Since when?

Newsflash to all you late-high school/early-college couples, best friends don’t break up!! Best friends also don’t look through each other’s phone due to jealousy. Best friends also trust each other – another quality that seems to be missing in most of today’s relationships.

What the hell happened to dating? Like seriously, everyone is so full of shit. Guys, most of us are thirsty as fuck, let’s just admit that. You just want to get it in. And girls, you’re not exactly innocent in all of this either.

I see hundreds of tweets and retweets per week by girls asking for their hopeless date to zoolights. I could legitimately ask each of those 100 girls and get rejected by probably all of them. (Jake Reiff, I feel your pain dawg.) Now granted, I’m not a fucking man dime, but I’m nice enough to take your sorry ass to zoo lights, just like you asked in the first place. So maybe instead of saying, “I just want somebody to take me to zoo lights” what you should have said is, “I just want a Justin Bieber looking douche with lots of muscles to take me to zoo lights,” because that’s who you had in mind anyway.

But guess what, the Justin Bieber looking douche with muscles is exactly the thirsty, parched whale that I talked about earlier. So explain to me where the hell you are gonna find a “best friend” in all of this, huh?

Everything regarding couples these days seems to me like it’s pretentious as fuck. People just put up with each other in the hopes that they’ll be called goals by their followers and miss out on the biggest point of the relationship. Themselves.

I hope to be in a relationship one day where I don’t have to prove anything to anyone but the love that I have for the person I am with. I don’t want that “Jada and that Will love” and I don’t want that “Angelina and Brad love” or any fucking love that you can think of.

I want Corrado love. Whatever it may be, whatever person it may be with. Now I would hope that most people also have that realization for themselves and figure out that it’s not a fucking competition out there to see who’s the cutest, most loyal, or most goals.

It’s about two people loving each other for them and nothing else. Frankly I think relationships today  – especially amongst young couples – are so far from that essential truth that I would even hesitate to call them relationships at all. They’re more like advertised civil unions.

I apologize for my excessive use of F-bombs and other offensive language. I think there will be more to come on this topic later on. As always, I hope you got a kick out of taking a trip into my brain. That’s all for now,

Toodaloo

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s